One's True Self

As most of my friends know by now, I am a huge fan of Glee. That's correct, I do consider myself a "gleek." Glee has defied genres, revolutionizing modern T.V. They have set trends, changed opinions, and inspired the world to be themselves. Glee is more than music and dance. The underlying theme, throughout the entirety of the show, has always been acceptance. Glee has conveyed the importance of being who you are, and accepting yourself for that. They have shown that you are you, and that there is no one who can tell you otherwise. Eleanor Roosevelt once stated "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." In other words, society will always have something to say about everything. People will shout bigotry shamelessly at other people. However, you have a choice. The choice is whether you listen and allow it to affect you. They will try to make you feel inferior, if, and only, you allow them to.

Above is posted one Glee's original songs. I believe this sums up my experience, thus far, on coming out. What I have gained in my experience has been nothing but positive. My friends and family have accepted me for who I am. I have found out a lot about myself as a person, but more importantly, I have found out a great deal more about my friends as people. My friends have without a doubt accepted me for being me. This song really sums up my experience, and if you have not, I implore you to listen to it. I hope that it will not only inspire you to be true to yourself, but help you realize that we are on a constant journey of exploration of our lives and defining our existence in our own unique way. Life is not about the destination, but rather who you meet, how you get there, and what you learn along the way.

I came to this realization after I came out to a very close friend. I have known Maggie since freshmen year. Together, we studied Japanese and instantly clicked. I think she knew that I was gay pretty much since the start, but that is beside the point. Over the next couple of years, we bonded, like brother and sister. Her Japanese became worse, and mine forged ahead, but again, beside the point. She has always been someone who I could go to and talk with about anything. I knew telling her was going to be easy, but I still had butterflies and jitters the entire time leading up to me telling her. One thing that I have found out is that this feeling of nervousness never goes away. No matter how close or how well you know someone, you will always have some form of nerves.

Unfortunately, Maggie lives about 4.5 hours away. I usually like to tell people in person, but I was not about to drive that far. Luckily, with the help of "modern marvels," as some people still refer to them,  I was able to accomplish this relatively hassle free (A.K.A. Facebook). I had told Maggie previously about my journaling efforts and the goals I had set for myself. I told her that one goal in particular involved telling people in my life a certain part of my life that I had hidden from them. This was the moment. With my fingers shaking, my stomach filled with fluttering butterflies, I typed "I am gay." Now take note that the time of me telling her was a few days after April 1st. Her response was "Is this a belated April fools joke or are you being serious?" Not exactly the reaction one expects to hear, but again the timing of it was all too perfect.

I followed along and explained I was being serious. She responded with "Good on you for coming out, why the fuck would you think I would not love you and accept you the way you are, and kind of already knew. Love you!" Maggie had accepted me for who I am. She told me that she would love me for who I am and that I was no different. The song above, "You have more friends than you know," is referring to the fact that the friends you have now are extremely important. You may not realize it, but who you consider friends could be more than that. These friends will support you, be by your side all the way, and accept you for who you are, no labels attached. If they do not accept at first, they will. True friends may not realize what just happened and may need additional time to grow and comprehend what just happened. Remember, it took me years to finally resolve and let my true self free. They might need additional time, so let them have it; they will come to you when they are ready. If you lose some on your way, there are other friends you are destined to meet. So always push ahead, but never forget the past. When I told Maggie who I was, I not only gained a renewed definition of a friend, but I redefined what my journey was in life.

I've always had a fear of being flat out rejected by the one's who I deemed important to me. However, I feel this fear is changing. Instead of fearing, I have gained perspective. Perspective that I no longer need to fear rejection. I am who I am and you are who you are. With this perspective I have gained additional resolve to be more open about who I am. I am gay, but that does not define me. Rather, it is a mere part of my existence that make me unique from others. Being gay is part of my true self. I define gay by being true to myself, and not the other way around. Our true selves are realized when we are able to internalize what our existence consist of. This may be several unique pieces of one's being that, when melded all together from within, form a new being. This new being is your true self. It not only encompasses your new journey that you will soon embark upon, but all the pieces from your past. History is the building blocks of the future. Without studying and understanding our pasts, we are not a fully realized true being. Your past allows you to learn from your mistakes and use them to forge you path ahead in your life journey. And throughout this journey, this process of the redefining and metamorphosing into one's true being occurs a multitude of times. We spin multiple cocoons that allow us to internalize these new parts of our true being, thus strengthening our true self's vessel of existence.  And with this, our journey through out life is not just one single metamorphosis, but rather a culmination of multiple changes that create a single entity who has the ability to be true to themselves.

I think that I am finally on the path to figuring out who I truly am. I know that my friends and family will always support me. And with that support, I know that I will do great in life. I have never once forgotten my past, but rather I have built upon it in order to become a stronger person in life. I am who I am, have been, and will continue to be.